Posts Tagged ‘Stephen Garcia’

All I can do is sit back on my thrift-store sofa & laugh. LSU’s QB is facing legal action for kicking some dude in the head during a Baton Rouge barfight. Ole Miss’ QB just spent the night in the stir after a barroom brawl in Oxford. Stephen Garcia’s QB coach got a free ride downtown for drunkenly mistaking a parked car for a port-a-potty. Earlier this year, 4 Auburn players were arrested after an ill-conceived heist went wrong. Georgia is still recovering from their lecherous ex-AD’s DUI. That’s a lot of Wild Irish Rose being passed around after two-a-days!┬áIt ought to be easier to tally up more sacks this year if the opposing QBs are weighed down with house-arrest ankle-bracelets.

A rare behind the scenes look at LSU's equipment manager in action.

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Forget Gatorade...this is the fuel that keeps Garcia running!

Controversial South Carolina QB Stephen Garcia may be in Steve Spurrier’s doghouse, but has fallen into the good graces of 211 Steel Reserve. The highly-potent, ultra-affordable malt liquor company has awarded Garcia with a lucrative sponsorship on the heels of his recent reinstatement.

“211 is the only thing I’ll chug while on a campus-wide drunken rampage,” Garcia proudly announced to the press. “It’s the secret to my success, as taught to me by my QB coach.” South Carolina QB coach G.A. Magnus, recently turned loose from the drunk tank after pissing in the streets while blind drunk, was not available for comment.

“We expect big things from Stephen Garcia,” said 211 Steel Reserve spokesman Phil Grubert. “Who better to represent our brand than a quarterback who has more alcohol-related suspensions than bowl appearances, or SEC Championships, or SEC East Championships, or even all three combined.”

As of press time, one can expect to find 211 at the end of the malt-liquor aisle in your favorite package store, & Garcia passed out on the fraternity bathroom floor.

A hung over Garcia does what he does best.There's still hope for "guards vs convicts" game MVP honors...