Posts Tagged ‘SEC’

Who can blame the Aggies for jumping off the sinking ship that is the Big 12? They’ll get a piece of those high-revenue SEC games & will get a chance to start recruiting from the most talent-rich region of this great nation. And in all fairness, they’ve had to EARN their BCS rankings, unlike some non-AQs who will remain nameless. Just this season A&M plays 6 ranked teams, including 2 in the top 10 (#1 Oklahoma, #9 Oklahoma State). So I’m sure they’ll do fine in the SEC…that is, after they go 5-7 for a couple seasons, re-evaluate their offensive playbooks to include a strong running game, & sign a few commitments from the Gulf coast.

So yes, I’ll be cracking wise about the Aggies as they ease themselves into the hot water, but the truth is I have a lot of respect for them, stepping up & asking to join an elite conference. This will not be another Vandy (sorry guys, couldn’t resist). A&M will make the SEC West officially the toughest schedule in college football, & by that merit will assure plenty more SEC national champions.

The real losers here are TCU, who thought they could sneak into the party by joining the automatic-qualifying Big Least, er, Big East. Tsk, tsk. Not this year, after losing to Baylor in week 1. And now that the “real” conferences are beefing up, the Horned Frauds & their smurfy pals “B.S. University” are going to have the bouncer close the proverbial velvet rope in their faces.

Texas A&M's mascot is probably smarter than most Auburn grads.

All I can do is sit back on my thrift-store sofa & laugh. LSU’s QB is facing legal action for kicking some dude in the head during a Baton Rouge barfight. Ole Miss’ QB just spent the night in the stir after a barroom brawl in Oxford. Stephen Garcia’s QB coach got a free ride downtown for drunkenly mistaking a parked car for a port-a-potty. Earlier this year, 4 Auburn players were arrested after an ill-conceived heist went wrong. Georgia is still recovering from their lecherous ex-AD’s DUI. That’s a lot of Wild Irish Rose being passed around after two-a-days!┬áIt ought to be easier to tally up more sacks this year if the opposing QBs are weighed down with house-arrest ankle-bracelets.

A rare behind the scenes look at LSU's equipment manager in action.

Read on for the latest scoops we were able to obtain:

Les Miles orders police protection for Tiger Stadium, fears ‘Bama fans will poison the sideline grass in an attempt on his life.

Mississippi State players boldly predict: “We guarantee we’ll cover the spread against Alabama this year!”

Georgia head coach on the future of his career: “Can I interest you in Amway?”

Steve Spurrier forces team to watch final installment of “Harry Potter” in an effort to bolster “trickeration” playbook.

Vandy head coach issues challenge to the media: “Tell me what my name is.”

Of course there were a slew of soundbites from the Auburn coaching staff:

Gus Malzahn on the key to his success: “We pay a lot of money to have a talented scumbag to play QB for us.”

Gene Chizik (going against his legal coundel’s advice to pleasd the 5th for the duration of SEC Media Days) on the departure of most of his starters: “Our checks must have bounced.

On the ongoing NCAA investigation: “If we pay you what we paid Cam Newton will you leave us alone?”

On the odds of repeating as national champion: “No one at Auburn can count that high.”