Out Of The Frying Pan(handle) & Into The Fire: Texas A&M Joins SEC

Who can blame the Aggies for jumping off the sinking ship that is the Big 12? They’ll get a piece of those high-revenue SEC games & will get a chance to start recruiting from the most talent-rich region of this great nation. And in all fairness, they’ve had to EARN their BCS rankings, unlike some non-AQs who will remain nameless. Just this season A&M plays 6 ranked teams, including 2 in the top 10 (#1 Oklahoma, #9 Oklahoma State). So I’m sure they’ll do fine in the SEC…that is, after they go 5-7 for a couple seasons, re-evaluate their offensive playbooks to include a strong running game, & sign a few commitments from the Gulf coast.

So yes, I’ll be cracking wise about the Aggies as they ease themselves into the hot water, but the truth is I have a lot of respect for them, stepping up & asking to join an elite conference. This will not be another Vandy (sorry guys, couldn’t resist). A&M will make the SEC West officially the toughest schedule in college football, & by that merit will assure plenty more SEC national champions.

The real losers here are TCU, who thought they could sneak into the party by joining the automatic-qualifying Big Least, er, Big East. Tsk, tsk. Not this year, after losing to Baylor in week 1. And now that the “real” conferences are beefing up, the Horned Frauds & their smurfy pals “B.S. University” are going to have the bouncer close the proverbial velvet rope in their faces.

Texas A&M's mascot is probably smarter than most Auburn grads.

Attention-seeking Landry Jones Holds Up 7-11

Tired of being overlooked by the media in favor of other, more troubled QBs on top 25 teams such as LSU’s Jordan Jefferson & Miami’s Jacory Harris, Oklahoma’s Landry Jones has lashed out in what can only be described as a cry for help. The pre-season Heisman favorite reportedly walked into a convenience store in the early hours of Saturday morning brandishing a pistol & screaming “Yeehaw! Boomer Sooner, you sons of bitches!”

After cleaning out the till, security camera footage reveals the clean-cut, high-flying senior put on a display of shooting that would, according to deputies called to the scene, “make Wes Hardin proud”. Jones shattered dozens of liquor bottles behind the counter & a corner spitoon, savoring the resounding “clang” sound.

The convenience store clerk on duty recounts a shocking scene: Jones firing his pistol from the hip, fanning the hammer with his free hand & cursing through teeth clenched on a smoldering tiparillo.

But despite of it all, there were only a smattering of journalists on hand for the press conference that followed, & most of them being cub reporters from the Tulsa Tribune/Pennysaver & the local high school papers.

Unfazed by the snub, Sooners coach Bob Stoops has vowed to put his team back in the spotlight, no matter what the cost of innocent lives.