Posts Tagged ‘Jordan Jefferson’

Here’s an exclusive snippet from LSU QB’s press conference before turning himself in on felony battery charges:

Oddly enough, one of the most shocking things to come out of LSU’s last-minute meltdown is the fact that Jordan Jefferson has almost 50 extra pair of shoes. Yep, when Baton Rouge’s finest searched the quarrelsome QBs apartment for a footprint that would match the one he left on a downed opponent (apparently Jefferson doesn’t adhere to the Unified Rules of MMA) they walked out of there with 49 pairs of shoes. 49 pairs! These are shoes that Jefferson would have been wearing at 1:30 am in a bar, so they weren’t cleats. That means this cheapshot-artist has about 50 pair of “walking around” shoes, presuming the boys in blue didn’t leave him barefoot as they left for the crime-lab.

And I don’t want to sound ugly here, but I’m going to go out a limb & venture that most of those shoes weren’t WalMart flip-flops or imitation Vans from Payless Shoe Source. That’s a whole lotta shoes…

…or should I say that’s a whole lotta $100 handshakes at alumni association meet’n’greets!

It’s been revealed that the down-for-the-count man LSU QB Jordan Jefferson kicked in a late-night barfight is in fact a United States Marine. After sneaking out of their dorms, the LSU players got into a scuffle at some podunk Louisiana saloon. A young Marine, fresh out of basic training, tried to break up the fight & was rat-packed for his troubles. After hitting the ground, the USMC recruit was soccer-kicked ala old-skool Wanderlei Silva.

Think I’m just being a smug, smarmy, smart-ass ‘Bama fan? Check out this article on Deadspin & tell me what you think.

Who else would deploy such vile, loathsome, cowardly tactics against America’s elite armed forces? The trail can only lead back to our ululating enemies. They’ve done a good job so far with their string-tied Boo Radley keeping things hush-hush, but the truth is out there & it’s official: anyone playing against LSU can now be considered America’s Team.

When you’re watching the LSU-Oregon game next weekend, remember this: you can either root against Oregon, or you can root against the terrorists.

Cheap shots on an outnumbered Marine. This is LSU football.

All I can do is sit back on my thrift-store sofa & laugh. LSU’s QB is facing legal action for kicking some dude in the head during a Baton Rouge barfight. Ole Miss’ QB just spent the night in the stir after a barroom brawl in Oxford. Stephen Garcia’s QB coach got a free ride downtown for drunkenly mistaking a parked car for a port-a-potty. Earlier this year, 4 Auburn players were arrested after an ill-conceived heist went wrong. Georgia is still recovering from their lecherous ex-AD’s DUI. That’s a lot of Wild Irish Rose being passed around after two-a-days! It ought to be easier to tally up more sacks this year if the opposing QBs are weighed down with house-arrest ankle-bracelets.

A rare behind the scenes look at LSU's equipment manager in action.