Posts Tagged ‘Auburn’

What the…?!

Posted: August 28, 2011 in NCAA Football
Tags: , , ,

This commercial just came on out here in California while my girlfriend was watching “Real Housewives” & it was pretty trippy.

Of course, if a barner rolled up on my gameday kegger, pizza or no pizza, there would be some frontier justice on the menu.

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Governor Bentley has reached out to his constituency, asking for support in his quest to create a statewide holiday in honor of alleged Toomer-poisoner Harvey Updyke Jr. If you want to be a part of this historic movement, let the Governor know you support him by emailing him.

Before you dismiss the idea & condemn Updyke as a psychopath who gives the Tide a bad name, remember that Auburn rolled Toomer’s corner when Bear Bryant died, & that Auburn fans burned the 2010 Iron Bowl score into the lawn outside Bryant-Denny, & that Auburn won their 2nd national championship by paying $180,000 to a thug dropout, & that Updyke was the only one with the stones to do anything about it.

Read on for the latest scoops we were able to obtain:

Les Miles orders police protection for Tiger Stadium, fears ‘Bama fans will poison the sideline grass in an attempt on his life.

Mississippi State players boldly predict: “We guarantee we’ll cover the spread against Alabama this year!”

Georgia head coach on the future of his career: “Can I interest you in Amway?”

Steve Spurrier forces team to watch final installment of “Harry Potter” in an effort to bolster “trickeration” playbook.

Vandy head coach issues challenge to the media: “Tell me what my name is.”

Of course there were a slew of soundbites from the Auburn coaching staff:

Gus Malzahn on the key to his success: “We pay a lot of money to have a talented scumbag to play QB for us.”

Gene Chizik (going against his legal coundel’s advice to pleasd the 5th for the duration of SEC Media Days) on the departure of most of his starters: “Our checks must have bounced.

On the ongoing NCAA investigation: “If we pay you what we paid Cam Newton will you leave us alone?”

On the odds of repeating as national champion: “No one at Auburn can count that high.”